Our Lady of the Wayside School
432 S. Mitchell
Arlington Heights, Illinois 60005
847-255-0050

This web site is sponosored by the OLW Student Council. It was built and is maintained by a group of our middle school students.
Last update: 06/10/2008

Jokes!

Ha Ha Ha....

We all need a good laugh once in a while! Here are some of our favorite jokes. If you have a Wayside-appropriate joke that you would like to share, please email it to us at webmaster@olwschool.org. Enjoy


The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
20> Can't stick their heads out of Windows XP.
19> Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18> Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17> Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16> Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
15> Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.
14> Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www.pethouse.com instead of working.
13> Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.
12> Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11> Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
10> Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9> Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome
8> 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7> Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
6> SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5> SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4> Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever.
3> Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2> Behind-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don't Use Computers...
1> TrO{gO DsA[,bNg HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. *
( * 1> Too Dang Hard To Type With Paws.)

Not Your Normal Religious Joke
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not." God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too. When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good." God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what the E-mail said? Just wondering, I didn't get one
either......................

You Be Jesus
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

 

Where's God?
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?” They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

 

Deliver Us From Evil
A mother had been teaching her three-year daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after her mother the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen."

Parking
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

Baseball in Heaven
Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven." The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven." "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is that you're pitching on Wednesday."

 

O.K. So you have a fireplace, a oil lamp, a candle, and a match......
Which one do you light first?

The match of course!

 


 
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